It’s a time of transitions. If your social media pages are anything like ours, photos of kids heading back to school, or readying to do so, are starting to pepper the screen. From those that are stepping foot in preschool for the first time to the big shift of dropping a kid at college, this time can come with a mix of emotions for students and parents alike. Like most things in life, of course, approaching these moments as a family that’s also managing food allergies adds another layer of considerations to the mix.
Preschool
You’ve done your homework. You’ve worked with the school to set up a plan to help them help your child manage their day-to-day allergy needs in the school setting. (If you’re in the process of getting all that set-up, this article may help: Preschool Bound?) Those practical steps are important, but is there more you should do? Yes.
If this is your child’s first experience of school and the independence it brings, help your child learn to take on small bits of self-care responsibility regarding their allergies. Roleplay different scenarios they may encounter – an unfamiliar snack or craft component, a friend offering to share a treat, feeling symptoms of an allergic reaction – and help them walk through how they might respond in those instances.
How do they ask a teacher or trusted adult to check the label of the play dough on the manipulatives table to make sure it’s wheat free? How do they firmly, but nicely explain to their new friend that they don’t want the cookie being offered and why? What symptoms might they experience if they accidentally come in contact with something they are allergic to and how to clearly explain those to an adult?
Elementary School
Even if your family has a few years of pre-K under your belt, moving into Kindergarten is a big step. Whether you’re starting off at the ground level, or your allergic child is starting another year in the Elementary setting, school is as much about preparing your child for managing allergies beyond these years as it is math, reading, and science. There’s the basic Back-to-School prep of paperwork and procedures. There’s also the real-world experience of taking on more and more allergy management responsibility as they are ready.
In younger grades, as reading skills develop, include label reading as part of your student’s literacy practice. Take them with you to the supermarket and let them first check packaging before you do. Work with your child, their allergist, and the school to identify what responsibilities your child is capable of taking on themselves, and what areas still need full adult supervision. This will change as the years go by, so make it part of your annual allergy visit discussion.
Middle School and High School
You and your child will be undergoing some big growing pains as they press for increased autonomy and independence during the pre-teen and teenage years. Sometimes they’ll be reaching for more than they’re ready to take on and sometimes they’ll be ready to take more than you’re quite set to give. While it’s not necessarily easy to hand over bits of control to your own child, handing over more and more allergy management when you know the risk involved in making a mistake can be scary.
This stage is about balance. It’s about recognizing that your role as parent is to ready your child for adulthood more than it is micro-managing the here and now. If you’ve been working with your son or daughter from those earliest years of school, they’ve already been partnering with you on this allergy thing. You’ll have a good idea of what they’re mature enough to take responsibility for and what they still need guidance on.
Get input from your allergist and work with the school to evaluate what changes may be needed to the allergy action plan to match your child’s level of self-management readiness. Should they self-carry their epinephrine if they haven’t before? Are they able to self-administer if needed? If you had an allergen free lunch table do they still need one? You’ll find more about this stage here: Older Students and Allergies.
College
Listen, dropping your child at preschool for the first time is hard. It’s a leap of faith placing your little one in the hands of another adult. Dropping them off at college has a familiar feeling, only the other adult you’re trusting is your child. Take a deep breath. Your child didn’t get here overnight. Sure, you may be looking at them remembering the toddler they were or the way they clung to your hand before climbing on the bus the first day of kindergarten. This moment, however, has been 18 years (more or less) in the making. They are ready. And you’re ready.
In addition to the steps outlined in articles like College-Bound, assure your child that you may not be the pilot of this allergy management flight any longer, but you are ready and able to step in as air traffic control when needed. Remind them that they can text or call you any time they want input. They can send you pics of labels to confirm they’re reading it right. They can ask you to weigh in on a decision about a local eatery or to role play how to task their roommate to stop leaving uncleaned plates and utensils around in common spaces. They may have the reins, but you’re still there to mentor and support.
