The holiday season is jam-packed with frivolity and fun and stress and overwhelm. And that’s on a good day. For allergy families, some of the special traditions and joy of the season can be fraught with anxiety.
There’s a buffet table loaded with food that likely contains at least some of your family’s avoidance list. There’s the gift basket a vendor just sent, the one your child is attempting to dig through before you can scan the labels of all the goodies inside. There’s the invite to the cookie exchange. There’s the class party and the team dinner and the work thing and the family get-together - all of it laden with food and only some of it laden with food your family can safely eat.
You feel the tension building just reading about it, don’t you? Take a deep breath because this too is manageable.
It's Okay to Pass
You do not have to accept every invitation. Let’s just say that again: You do not have to accept every invitation. This isn’t just about allergy management. Just because you are invited to something does not mean you are obligated to attend. Here’s an even more important truth to go along with it – you also don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why you’re passing on the invite.
You don’t need to have (or manufacture) a good enough reason to say no. If the invite isn’t something that fits into your day or isn’t something you're interested in or presents challenges for your allergic family or any other reason, a simple, “I’m not going to attend, but thank you for thinking of me,” will suffice.
So that cookie exchange – the one that is going to add baking an additional 3 dozen cookies to your to-do list and send you home with treats at least some of your family can’t eat safely – doesn’t have to become a stressful event in your season. Appreciate the thought and pass on the event.
It's Okay to Offer Alternatives
Your family has been invited to join friends for a local production of Elf the Musical and lunch after. The place they are suggesting for lunch is indeed scrumptious but it’s going to be hard for your son to find something he can eat on that menu. Go ahead and offer up a different option.
“We’d love to! [Suggested venue] can be hard for us to find safe options with the list of allergies we’re avoiding. Let’s switch lunch to [other venue]. I think you’ll love their soups and sandwiches and I’m confident we’ll find something allergy-friendly my son can enjoy.” Your friends are looking to spend time with you and your family more than they are worried about where their lunch is coming from. Don’t worry about offering an alternative to the suggested plan.
It's Okay to Bring Alternatives
You don’t have to pass on every event just because food will be present. You can bring along a safe plate or some safe options to have on hand and still make the gathering. If you want to get together with your large extended family one night of Hanukkah, do it. It’ll be great to catch up with Aunt Mabel and to see your cousin Joe again. You’re not sure the person bringing potato latkes will remember to make them without eggs and you’re pretty sure those yummy cakes have some dairy in them.
Pack a few allergy-friendly alternatives that your child can enjoy. You’re there for your family’s company, not for the buffet table. Keep your focus on what matters.
It's Okay to Regift
The ad agency your business has partnered with doesn’t know about your food allergies. Nor does the real estate agent who helped you find your new house. They just know they appreciated your business and wanted to add you to the list of clients they sent a gift basket to this season. You scan the labels and, as expected, most of what’s there isn’t safe for you to eat.
No need to be frustrated. Go ahead and keep that cute coffee mug and the bag of beans you absolutely can grind and enjoy. The rest of it? You can donate it to a food pantry. You can toss the candy box in with the White Elephant gift bag you’re putting together. You can set out all the bits and pieces in the break room at work and let folks grab what they want. You don’t need to stew over the unfairness of it. You don’t need to toss the items in frustration. Someone will enjoy it.
It's Important to Keep Focus
Yes, so many holiday traditions involve food. Yet, that isn’t really what we’re celebrating, right? The perfect sufganiyot on the first night of Hanukkah or the quintessential plate of cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve isn’t a necessity to celebrate the season. You can find safe alternatives to those recipes for your family, or, quite frankly, you can just skip them all together.
The holiday isn’t about what you eat, it’s about who you are with. It’s about celebrating and enjoying the time together. This is your opportunity to shift the focus back to what matters.
