It’s no secret that parenting teenagers is not a job for the faint of heart. Teens are pressing the edges of their independence, managing a tumult of shifting hormones, and defining their place in the world at large. They’re doing it with a brain that’s still making connections and developing. In fact, research has shown that the last connections made in the brain occur in our early 20s.
These connections occur in the areas of the brain that control judgment and problem-solving, as well as the centers that control emotional learning and self-regulation. This means, among other things, that teens are more apt to take risks, and there’s a lot of science behind why as explained in this UCLA Center for Developing Adolescent article.
Of course, just like most other normal stages and activities in life, food allergies can add another layer of challenge for teens and the adults that care for them. With immature impulse control, a taste for risk-taking, and susceptibility to peer pressure, teenagers and young adults with food allergies are at the highest risk of fatal food-induced anaphylaxis.
This age group is more likely to try foods without checking labels or asking questions. They are more likely to be out and eating without their epinephrine autoinjector. Let’s talk about how to mitigate these risks.
Don’t Sugar Coat
There is certainly something to be said for age-appropriate conversations with our children. Yet when it comes to chronic health conditions, there’s a balance to be reached. As parents we want to toe the line between making our children unnecessarily anxious with their need to be well-informed and equipped. You don’t want your child afraid to do all the things a kid their age should be doing in an effort to avoid food. And yet, you also can’t protect them from the risk food may present to them by managing their allergies for them.
With your allergist’s guidance, include your child in age-appropriate conversations about the real risk certain foods present to them, and how to keep themselves safe. Start the conversation on day one and continue to have it as your child grows. Don’t assume your 12-year-old (or your 18-year-old) understands the real risk ignoring their egg allergy can present to them just because it’s been 10 years since diagnosis.
Don’t Hold The Reins Too Tight
Let’s be honest. You may feel safer taking control over your child’s allergy management – to be the one to remember the autoinjectors, read the labels, ask the questions, and make the choices. Yet if you hold those reins too long and too tight, your teen/young adult may be ill-equipped to manage their own allergic needs independently.
Our job as parents, of course, is to prepare our children to survive and thrive in this world on their own. We’re raising tomorrow’s adults, after all. As you’re focusing on adulting tasks like personal finance, laundry, and cooking, don’t overlook teaching your child to manage her own allergies. (We’ve got some tips on how to do that here: Growing Allergic Adults.)
But Be The Backstop
When a baseball or softball pitcher winds up, they are locking their gaze on their target – the catcher’s glove. Every once in a while, the pitch is wild and the catcher misses. Every now and then it tips off the edge of the bat and flips up over the head of the catcher behind home plate. Before that ball flies into the stands of spectators, it hits a net or fence backstop. Parenting teens and young adults with food allergies is a lot like being that backstop. Just because your teen knows what to do, doesn’t mean you’re hands off.
When your 17-year-old heads out with friends, car keys in hand, make, “Do you have your autoinjector?” part of your regular farewell. After all, let’s be honest, how many of us full-grown adults need the mental checklist before we leave the house?
Be the checklist for your child until they can internalize the process. When your college kid wonders if the itchy spot on the inside of their elbow is the beginning of a contact reaction, take the call and help them navigate their response. When your middle schooler visits the allergist, let them take lead at the appointment but step in if they’re forgetting something the doctor should know.
Talk About “Adult” Topics
Share the articles and research you come across with your teen – even the ones that are about more grown-up topics than you think applies to them today. Share with them stories about the presence of allergens in alcohol. Talk about how being under the influence can lower their inhibitions and put them at risk for ignoring allergen labels and symptoms of a reaction. Talk to them about trace amounts of allergens on the lips of their date and how to handle kissing and intimacy without the risk of an allergic reaction.
Don’t wait to introduce these themes until you think your teen is old enough for these topics to be of worry. Equip them before they move into those young adult spaces so they are prepared to make better informed decisions.
