A diagnosis of food allergies comes with loss and grief. There’s the real heavy stuff such as the anxiety that creeps in around normal everyday activities like sending your food-allergic child to school for the first time. There’s academic stuff like learning to read labels and developing the routine of ensuring you’ve always got that auto-injector in reach. Then there are the things that may seem trite at first blush—“Will I ever be able to eat a bagel again?”
Here's the good news: it gets easier. Managing food allergies becomes part of your normal day-to-day rhythms and routines. You’ll still feel that heightened sense of awareness when your food allergic child (or you!) approaches a new experience for the first time. You’ll work out how allergies add a layer of preparation to this milestone or moment. You’ll work through the details in a way that others may not have to. But you’ll do it and you’ll be equipped to do it because you’ll have done it time and time again and know the drill.
Feel It
Let’s get one very important thing out of the way first. This stuff you’re experiencing… it’s grief. And it’s normal. You’ve just received a medical diagnosis that is going to change your life in ways you don’t even realize yet. You’ve lost a sense of security over things most folks take for granted. Even simple childhood joys like running to greet the ice cream truck comes with an added layer of caution now. It is perfectly normal and reasonable to grieve.
Give yourself a moment to take this in, to feel the feelings, and to process them. And then start to make sense of this new world you’re in. Make a plan to thrive in this space because it is completely possible to live a perfectly normal, healthy, life with food allergies.
Read and Equip
Arm yourself with information. Not just any information, though. Get familiar now with reputable sources of information about allergies. Start to develop a habit of taking the advice and input others offer you and run it through a filter of research. This article is a good place to start: Navigating Internet “Medical Advice."
Fear vs. Respect
Focus on developing a healthy respect for food allergies, not fear. There is a very fine line between these two sides of the coin. Fear can paralyze us. It can keep us from living life fully. It can increase anxiety in us and our family. More importantly, it does not keep us any safer than its counterpart respect. Respecting food allergies means you take reasonable precautions.
Talk It Out
Living with chronic illness can be isolating. You’ll find some things are just easier to pass on than trying to identify accommodations to adapt the situation for your child’s safety. Maybe your dairy-allergic child doesn’t do the Scout trip to the pizzeria where the kids will be learning how to make their own pies. Having a support network won’t change that (although, it may make your Scout leader think twice about this sort of trip). Having a support network, however, can give you the sounding board to sort things out. Your network may include your allergist, your friends, your family, an allergy support group, and others.
Adapt
Listen, let’s be clear about something first: It is not trite to mourn the loss of favorite foods and experiences. This is life altering and if you’re feeling the ache of disappointment over never having the perfect warm, soft bagel again know that it’s okay to feel that as a loss. It isn’t just about the bagel. It’s about all the things food allergies have taken and it’s normal to feel it. And then hit the keyboard and find yourself some options.
Somewhere out there, someone has figured out a way to rig up a recipe that will guide you to make a close replication of the thing you’re missing. For example, The Minimalist Baker has a recipe (click the blog title for the link!) for a vegan, gluten-free bagel you can make at home. It skips the egg wash and the wheat so if either of those allergens are on your list of things to avoid, the recipe may be worth a try. You may also find local bakeries or pre-packaged goods that offer options that are free of your food allergens.
Do your research, find those brands and places, and then go ahead and splurge from time to time.
