For most of us, holidays are steeped in traditions. But when we step back and consider what those traditions are, a good number of them are likely linked to food. There’s grandma’s famous strawberry pie recipe that must be made every 4th of July. It’s even brighter and a bigger “bang” than the fireworks. There’s the authentic shortbread cookie following a recipe that your spouse’s great-great-grandparent wrote down on a card before the family emigrated from Scotland so very many years ago. Christmas can’t occur without those cookies wrapped delicately in tissue paper and placed in tin canisters to hand out as gifts. There are potato latkes the way Grandpa Joe loved them, served the last night of Hanukkah.
And don’t even get us started on Thanksgiving. That entire holiday is nothing but food. The turkey, the sides, the desserts - from the moment we open our eyes and dip a wedge of bread into the melty brie until the moment we push back from the table full of pie and cookies, food traditions are front and center.
For a family living with food allergies, however, that makes holidays a stressful adventure. Here’s the good news: just because holiday traditions often incorporate specific meals or treats doesn’t mean your traditions have to. In fact, you’ve got a great reason now to create new traditions that aren’t linked to your palette.
Don’t Focus on The ‘Can’t’
Forgoing tradition can heighten our sense of loss. Allergies require us to adapt and give up a whole lot. Tacking on a list of family-favorite things that must also go to the wayside can wrap any new tradition attempts in a sense of loss and grief. We can feel like we’re missing out and settling for a ‘less than’ ritual. Alternatively, we can shift our focus from “can’t have” to “get to have.”
Fine, you can’t have Uncle Jim’s famous deep-fried turkey that’s rubbed down in copious amounts of butter and fried in peanut oil. Sure, some folks love it, but listen, it’s just turkey. It’s not nearly as fantastic as beating Uncle Jim in a rousing game of family tag football. Especially not when the winning touchdown was that sweet pass from your 10-year-old QB to your mother who even surprised herself as she pulled that ball down and planted her feet firmly in the endzone.
Yes, It’s Just Food
Let’s just hit that point one more time. Some of the recipes we mourn the loss of are wonderful meals and treats. They are scrumptious. Some, if we’re honest, are not even really that good. We assign value to them because it’s just part of the ritual of this holiday. However, the holiday isn’t about any of those meal components or treats.
Thanksgiving is about intentionally giving space for gratitude. It’s about spending time together. It’s about appreciating the things we have, sharing our time with one another, taking the moment to slow down and just exist in this space. Food can be part of that, but it isn’t a necessity. Not having a traditional turkey or that cranberry sauce concoction Aunt Eda is going to bring doesn’t actually change any of that.
Something New
Here’s your chance to shift the focus of family tradition from the things you eat to the time you enjoy together. Embrace experimentation. Merriam Webster defines tradition as “the handing down of information, beliefs, and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction.”
Traditions don’t happen overnight. They happen over time. They are the things you and your family connect with. They are the practices and elements that make us feel like we’ve come home again even years, even generations, removed from the first time we did them.
Don’t add a new layer of stress to your holiday planning by trying to cultivate the best new tradition you can imagine. Just experiment. Introduce some new elements to your holiday that don’t center on a particular recipe or dish. If your family enjoys some component (or more than one!), make it part of next year’s observance as well - and keep going!
Maybe sitting around in your PJs all morning watching the big parade and scoring the floats by a list of criteria is your new thing. Maybe creating your own Thanksgiving parade floats out of old wagons and recycled odds and ends becomes your thing. Maybe it’s that football game or a walk after a meal or reading a favorite story together or volunteering to serve a meal at a shelter. Maybe it’s something you accidentally stumble upon.
Whatever it is, it doesn’t need to come on a serving platter or gravy dish. It doesn’t need to be the same as your neighbor’s and it doesn’t need to be the sort of thing that a writer conjures up while writing an article about holiday traditions. It’s something that’s uniquely yours. It’s something that, generations from now, a young newlywed will urge his partner to incorporate into their family traditions for Thanksgiving. He can’t explain it. It’s just this thing his family has always done, and it doesn’t feel quite like the holiday if it's not there. It’s home. It’s his and it’s yours (and it’s allergy safe).
