Raising a family is not for the faint of heart. It’s certainly not something we can do without a community to support us. From family members to educators and coaches and neighbors, and all sorts of other people in between, parents and kids benefit from the help and influence of those outside their own home, as much as from those inside it.
Building a village, cultivating connections and support, that can play a role in our children’s lives and support us as we raise them is crucial. Building a village that understands the specific challenges something like life-threatening food allergies adds, is critical.
Don’t Assume Knowledge
Education is the first step to building any successful support network when part of that support requires managing a health condition – allergies or otherwise. Don’t assume your parents, your siblings, your neighbor, or your life-long best friend understand the ins and outs of food allergies just because you’re now entrenched in it.
Remember, before your child was diagnosed, you didn’t read labels on every trip to the store. You didn’t think about the risk of cross-contamination, and it never occurred to you that body lotion could contain nut oils, wheat, and dairy. Just because these things are natural reflexes for you now doesn’t mean everyone else has caught up.
Start with Why
The other mom in the room is passing out cookies to the small troop of Scouts sitting around the table. You want to act fast, before your kid grabs hold of a treat that may not be safe. Maybe your instinct is to firmly command, “No! Don’t give her that!” It’s understandable. However, calm and informative not only invites cooperation, it also lays the foundation for future villagers to know how to help you help your child be safe.
“Before you hand that to her, let me check the label. She has food allergies and we need to check for cross-contamination risks. Unfortunately, even trace levels of her allergens can trigger a reaction.” Show the others where you’re looking for information. Confirm whether this treat is a good one or not and then thank them for their cooperation.
Taking a beat to explain why you’re hitting the pause button, or saying no, helps others see the bigger picture. You’re not being overly protective. You’re not being difficult. You’re giving context and you’re helping them learn.
Tougher Crowds Get Third-Party Input
Someone on your journey is going to question your take on things. They may need a little third-party influence. It’s not you acting on fear and emotion. It’s a peer-reviewed study that you’re sharing a summary of. It’s an advocacy group or a medical association that’s sharing facts. It’s an article written by a well-respected allergist, or an allergy action plan written by your child’s doctor.
Share these outside resources with folks that may need a little more detail to understand the big picture of food allergies. Read a good article about someone’s experience with cross-contamination? Share it. See a simple explanation of how hand sanitizers don’t clean enough of an allergen off hands to mitigate risk? Send it along. Keep emotion out of the discussion. Focus on fact and respected resources.
Supervision When Needed
Unfortunately, you may run into someone that just can’t or won’t come on board with the things needed to keep your child safe. If you’ve got someone in this space, prioritize your child’s safety. That individual – whether it’s a friend or a grandparent or a friendly neighbor – is simply not permitted unsupervised time with your child. If it’s someone you see at gatherings and events with food served, bring your own meals and treats so your family can have something safe to eat without worrying about what’s offered. It may offend, and that’s okay. Your allergic child’s life is more important than someone’s ego.
Loop in Your Kid
An allergy-safe village includes your child(ren). Don’t assume your child is too young to play a role in keeping himself safe. He may be too young to be fully responsible for managing his own allergy needs, but he is not too young to start learning. From modeling behavior to empowering your child to ask questions of trusted adults, the right time to start equipping your child to manage his own allergies is the day he’s diagnosed. (You’ll find some tips here: Growing Allergic Adults.
