As a parent of a child with food allergies, you spend an inordinate amount of time reading labels, quizzing waitstaff and restaurant managers, coordinating allergy management plans with doctors and school staff, and making sure the epinephrine and other medications are within an arms reach everywhere your child goes. It can start to feel easier — and maybe even safer — to just do it all on your own. It can feel that way, but is it?
In the moment, maybe it is. We’re not, however, in this for just the moment. Parenting in general is about the “now” and the “then.” It’s about protecting and guiding our kids today and preparing them for independence in self-care tomorrow. In the context of food allergies, it’s building a foundation for self-advocacy and self-care.
Sooner Than You Think
In most states, legal adulthood is marked by the 18th birthday. In the context of medical care, this means the day your child turns 18 they can make their own medical decisions (among others) without parental consent. It also means that healthcare providers, college administrators, and others will speak directly to your child, not you.
Your child may be a high school student fully dependent on you financially, but they’ll have full authority for medical consent. (This article from Texas-based Children’s Health does a good job of explaining how it all works: Medical Decision Making.) When that newly-anointed adult has a chronic health condition like food allergies, it’s important they hit this major life milestone with the tools they’ll need to pick up the ball and run with it solo.
Right Out of the Gate
Let’s be clear, your newly diagnosed 2-year-old doesn’t have the capacity to manage their own food allergies. That’s a given. However, even a 2-year-old can participate in the day-to-day management of food allergies. You’re laying a foundation and building the habit. You’re modeling behaviors. You’re asking questions and providing the proper answers. It all starts from the very beginning.
You’re building a habit of allergy management that becomes as natural as breathing. This is just what we do. We ask questions. We read labels. We have our epinephrine. We’re aware and we’re ready. Include your child from the start.
Model Behavior
Observational learning is a big part of the way we learn to navigate the world, particularly in childhood. You’ve seen this in the way your toddler and preschooler plays. You’ll hear bits of conversation and patterns of behavior that sound a lot like something you have said or done pop up in your child’s play as they adapt what they’ve seen into their imaginary interactions. What does this mean for prepping your future adult to take over their own allergy management? Simple. Be seen managing their allergies.
Don’t pack the travel bag with safe snacks and medications at night after your child has gone to bed. Do it when they can see you preparing. Talk about what you’re putting in the bag. “Let’s make sure we’ve got your epinephrine! Hmm, what snacks should we bring with us? Let’s double check the label to make sure it doesn’t have any of your allergens.” Let them see you read the labels, running your finger under the words you’re scanning and read them aloud. Let them watch you ask your waiter about allergies. Set the example from the beginning.
Allergy-Management with Training Wheels
Your child’s first bike probably had training wheels. When they were old enough to learn how to ride on just two wheels, you took those training wheels off, but you held onto the frame or seat until it felt like your child had built enough speed to balance well. You ran alongside the bike ready to help steady it if things got wobbly. You didn’t just hand your child a bike and wish them well. You let them test the process with a steady hand on their back to assure them and correct them as needed. Taking over medical care looks a lot like that.
If your child is old enough to recognize their allergens in writing and can clearly articulate basic requests to other adults, let them take the first step in allergy care. Take them food shopping with you and let them take first crack at reading labels. Let them ask questions before ordering food. Encourage them to answer their allergist’s questions directly at their next check-up instead of jumping in to do it yourself. Ask for their help packing their auto-injector, inhaler, and other allergy management components.
Yes, you’ll double check the bag. Yes, you’ll also read the label. Yes, you’re in the room to fill in the blanks for the doctor. This is about training wheels. This is about letting your child partner with you in allergy management. It’s about giving them space to test the waters with support.
The older they get, the more competent at allergy management they get, the quieter you get. You’re just there as the quality assurance check. Let them take over more and more control of their allergy management on their own under your watch. The goal is that they’re ready to hit the ground running – to manage medical visits, to self-advocate, to be prepared – when you really aren’t there on hand to be the final check.
When that first 18 year old allergist visit comes up, you should feel comfortable with your now-young-adult child’s ability to tend to the appointment without you running things. When you give one last hug at the door of their new dorm room freshman year of college, you can do so confident they’re in good hands: their own.
